Does anyone else feel incredibly lonely? The political divide makes it feel like I’m the only one stuck in the middle of two insane extremes. But I know there are others who live in the nuanced areas of real life. Where are you, and how do I find you?

Facebook locals groups would have me believe that no one is capable of conversing anymore. I live smack dab in the middle of two communities that are deeply intertwined, but are opposite in many ways, so we have loud voices from both extremes. There was a no kings protest in the conservative community, which sparked several threads on the local Facebook groups. I noticed trends I’ve both seen at large and experienced firsthand:

• Some people are coming to the table genuinely confused by the protesters and open to hearing them out.

• The people who respond to these people are not people from the protest, but rather a lot of anti-protesters saying what they think the protesters are about. These voices outnumbered the genuine responses from protesters.

• I’m left to wonder how many people are afraid to engage because it opens them up to so much bullying from the anti protesters, even if the original poster had genuine intent to hear them out.

  • What is the original poster thinking, at that point? They’ve been told a lot of incorrect information—at least at the subconscious level, all that badgering is going to affect their bias. Do they believe the lie, that protesters are just paid actors from the liberal community next door? Do they believe that the protesters don’t know what they’re even protesting?

• It feels like no one is actually talking to each other, there are just a bunch of strawmen distorting the conversation. People respond to the strawmen rather than actually hearing what the other side is saying.

My internet code of conduct has always been “don’t feed the trolls,” but I don’t know if that’s actually in our best interest anymore. Clearly, they aren’t going to starve if we don’t feed them. They continue to multiply and overshadow the Good Ones.

So I’m done arguing online. I can link this article and save my breath. As someone who grew up loving online spaces, it’s hard to say this, but online communities are inherently toxic these days. You can’t trust any of it for genuine human interaction. Don’t even get me started on AI.

Finding Third Places

Third Places are social spaces that exist outside of the home and work spheres. They diminished severely in the last few decades for a variety of reasons, but ultimately it can be summed up by capitalistic greed. Third Places needed to make a profit, and as the economy has declined, fewer people have the money to spare for going to Third Places. With the invention of the internet, free online spaces became the default.

Please take a moment to ponder that “loitering” is even a crime. What a bulls— capitalistic take! To define existing without apparent purpose as a crime? You must always be actively employed, or actively looking to spend. There is no allowance to just exist in the community in which we live (and pay taxes to!)

I’m no lawyer, but I would argue that my God-intended purpose is to exist, and so loitering is impossible. I am a taxpayer in this community, and therefore, I have every right to "loiter” anywhere I please in order to appreciate the infrastructure, people, and nature of my community.

Third Place #1: The Church

So what Third Places exist for me? I tried to join a church. I found a church with a leader who spoke about Jesus with conviction, calling for radical change within the Christian community to return to the actual commandment of our faith: to love our neighbor as ourselves. Unfortunately, the congregation is not the community I was looking for.

Matthew 25:40 (“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me”) is the basis for my advocacy. This church, despite having a great leader, was not ready to challenge the status quo, which abuses and oppresses the least of our brothers and sisters. I cannot sit idly by while the government is executing citizens in the streets; criminalizing asylum seekers; imprisoning humans in concentration camps. The part that is personal to me, though, is that they are doing these things in the name of my faith. It’s time to flip tables.

This church wasn’t ready for that. So I went to my other sacred space: the Library.

Third Place #2: The Library

The public library is one of the few spaces that is still there to support the community in ways that art spaces and gyms can’t compare. They’re free, for one. I notice in community art spaces, there’s often pressure to buy from local art suppliers. So, it’s hard to feel welcome if you’re on a tight budget. At the library, crafting circles have no judgement where you got your materials. Plus, there are events and groups constantly happening to encourage connecting with others in the community. I rarely see strangers chatting it up at the gym or pool, but at the library, you can connect over any niche you’re in. Not to mention, librarians are basically wizards, they can help you find the information for almost anything you could need.

I’m trying to be a consistent patron, and I’m slowly building a relationship with other regulars. It brings me joy to know the people in my community. And I’ve already witnessed more genuine conversations across political lines than in any of those Facebook groups. I’ve yet to witness any trolls in the library.

Third Place #3: The Community Garden

I’m considering the community garden this summer for another Third Place. Technically, it’s not free, but $15 for a plot for the entire growing season is a pretty low barrier to entry.

I have land. I have rabbits who provide me with endless fertilizer. Yet, I am going to get a community plot to meet others, and hopefully learn about gardening in this valley, since I moved from a totally different grow zone.

Brainstorming other third places:

• The local farmers market is much smaller than the large farmers market in the community next door. I love to support this as a growing space. It is usually pretty small, but I’d like to see it become more popular. I can’t just sit at home and wait until it grows, I need to get out there and be part of the growth! So I’m committing to our Thursday markets, just as a body. Being there encourages others to come. And while there’s lots of opportunities to spend, there’s no obligation. It can be a casual social space as well.

• My husband is a gearhead, so we support the local cars and coffee club as well. It’s a free, family-friendly event and a great opportunity to meet the same people every other week.

• I’m connecting with the county’s extension office to get involved as a 4H mentor to teach fiber arts and support the youth even though I don’t have kids.

  • I’ve had too many conversations with people who complain about supporting school systems, parks, education programs, etc. on the basis that they don’t have kids, so they shouldn’t have to pay for it. I want the children in my community to flourish. They don’t have to be my blood for me to wish for them to thrive. Why is that so revolutionary?

• Volunteer Spaces: I love meeting up with others for regular volunteering. I’m currently trying to create a regular craftivism space, but honestly, that will probably end up being at the Library. It’s just such a universally accessible space.

• Any other free/low priced Third Spaces come to mind? Restaurants, coffee shops, and bars are all too expensive to be sustainable.

Connection and Conversation

It’s only after you know and love your neighbors that you can start to have the hard conversations with them. Even then, I am working on my NVC skills so that I can make sure the person I’m conversing with is hearing me, and I’m hearing them.

I don’t want to live in an echo chamber. It’s lonely to be surrounded by your own thoughts and opinions all the time. I need to be challenged by others so that I can fully consider my own beliefs. I hope that others appreciate differing opinions in the same way I do, but I know that’s not the case for many.

Conversation, to me, is a search for mutual understanding. Not necessarily agreement, but fully understanding each side of the argument and why each person believes what they believe. I am seeking truth, not to be right. I appreciate those who challenge me and correct me. That is how I grow.

I’m impatient. This is a slow process. But I’m challenging myself to embrace my community fully, and allowing God to bring the people into my life that I need. I will try to keep an open mind when conversing with those who challenge my beliefs. I also am going to try and be ready for the hard conversations. I need to be able to clearly articulate my beliefs without triggering defensiveness in the person I’m talking to. I am taking the time to consider kind approaches to conversations that otherwise would send me into a rage.

Helping me on this journey is John Fugelsang, in The Separation of Church and Hate: a Sane Person’s Guide to taking back the Bible from Fundamentalists, Fascists, and Flock-fleecing Frauds he articulates the arguments from the far right and how to respond on their terms and appeal to their logic and values. 12/10 stars.

Final Thoughts…

Whenever I’m lost, I look for ways to serve. It’s how my Mama raised me, and it’s how Jesus calls us to act. I’m going to continue to look for those opportunities, and I hope that you do too. It’s not about looking for work, or for community service hours. It’s about getting offline (sorry, cherished online friends) and connecting to the real people around me and serving their needs.

Children are dying in Palestine. Women are shunned (and worse) for menstruating in western Nepal. The Amazon rain forest is being harvested to death. The ice caps are melting. Our world elites are part of a pedophilic ring that still hasn’t seen proper justice in court. I am overwhelmed by the grief of the world, but I am not helpless. I can be a helper in the community I am in. I’ll trust that the other 8+ billion people in the world will do their part in their communities. Maybe, if we all do a little, it will add up to a lot. If nothing else, at least I can sleep at night.

There are countless examples of how babies are capable of using and understanding sign language before their bodies develop the capacity to speak. Yet, when it’s a Deaf or Autistic child, we think that sign language could somehow be bad? It makes no sense! Having a foundation of language is important for so much more than just communication. It contributes to our ability to learn, to understand the world around us, as well as process the emotions and thoughts from our inner world. Behavioral problems often stem from an inability to identify, communicate, or meet their needs.

So, EVEN IF your child’s speech were to be delayed by learning sign language, speech should not be your first priority. Speech can be built upon a foundation of non-verbal language. It is much, much harder to build that foundation later in life. By denying Deaf and Autistic children access to non-verbal languages, we are handicapping them so much more than their actual disability.

Augmentative and Alternative Communication, or AAC, is a collective term for all the ways someone might communicate without speech. Augmentative means to add to someone’s speech, while Alternative means to use instead of speech. What does this look like?

• American Sign Language

• Signed Exact English

• Modified or Home Signs

• Gesturing

• Spelling on a Letter Board

• Pointing to pictures or written words

• Using an AAC app on a tablet

• Using a speech generating device

Some with significant communication difficulties may communicate in their own way, understood by those closest to them. I call these secret or personal languages. From the outside, it may not seem like the person is communicating at all, but when you are part of that person’s intimate circle, you will know exactly what they are trying to say.

More AAC Resources

ASL Tutors

Katharine Walker

Katharine received her Masters Degree in Sign Language Education from Gallaudet University. She is 4th generation Deaf and an expressive signer. Connect with her via LessonPal for online lessons and tutoring at any level.

Katy’s LessonPal

Staci Nichols

Craig and Moffat County residents are lucky to have Staci as a local resource for learning ASL. She is available through NWCCI in the Craig office. If you need to learn ASL due to a disability, you may qualify for tutoring through NWCCI.

E-Mail Staci

Free ASL Resources

Not everyone can afford a tutor.

ASL University (LifePrint)

Lingvano APP

Oklahoma School for the Deaf

Spread the Sign (web & App)

Support Groups

Yampa Valley locals: Watch the Pilot Happenings for an AAC support group, developing in 2026.

Learning a new language is always a useful skill, but I would argue that learning American Sign Language (or your country’s official signed language, if you’re not in America) is the best foreign language you can choose to pick up. From talking in loud places, to talking without disturbing quiet places—sign language trumps verbal language in so many situations. When I learned to SCUBA, I couldn’t understand why no one bothered to learn sign language. They would buy expensive underwater writing tablets instead.

Build Your Skills

If you don’t already know any sign, then start by learning to fingerspell.

Confidence in fingerspelling = confidence in signing. If you can fingerspell, then you can learn all of your other signing through conversation. As your vocabulary increases, you will rely on fingerspelling less and less, but having a confident foundation in fingerspelling will allow you to learn without the stress of derailing every conversation to learn all the new vocabulary.

For your foundational skills, I recommend: Bill Vicar's 100 First Signs. Bill Vicars is the Deaf man behind ASL University, also known as "Life Print". As far as free resources go, this website is time tested and relatively well received by the Deaf community. I’ve heard chatter of some drama, but nothing regarding his signing. As someone who grew up signing in Ohio, then moved to Colorado, I think Bill does a great job of addressing regional variances. He is from California, and I never had issues being understood, like some people worry. There are lots of local “accents” to ASL, but it’s not so strong that you cannot be understood when you leave the area.

If you can afford to pay for instruction, Gallaudet University offers access to college level sign language courses, taught “anytime, anywhere.” These courses allow you to engage at a distance–learning whenever and wherever you choose.

Take the Leap

Going to your first silent weekend can be a nerve-wracking experience. I remember the first time I went, I felt so much pressure, I forgot everything I knew. I shook horribly every time I signed, and I would mess up my own name of all things. There may have been a bit of social anxiety at play here, as well.

Within 24 hours of arriving, signing feels so natural. I’ve witnessed it in newcomers every year. They come nervous and shaking, but by the second night, they are at ease in conversation.

The Deaf folk at these events are amazingly gracious. They are there to help the hearing learn this beautiful language, and they do an amazing job of communicating at the level appropriate to the newer signers. They may get excited and sign naturally fast and fluent at times, of course they do! This is one of the few times a year that they get to be in a space centered around their communication needs. But whenever you interact with them, the Deaf staff and volunteers are very good at judging your signing level and supporting you in communication.

Find an immersion experience near you by searching for ASL Silent Immersion Weekends. Consider traveling for one, if you can.

If you live in Colorado, or if you’re willing to fly into Denver, ASL Vibe is hosted biannually in Estes Park. It is at the scenic YMCA of the Rockies and has become one of my favorite events of the year. I cannot recommend it enough.

ASL Vibe has a vision to clone the flagship model to other locations and build a recurring collection of different types of Deaf Immersion events and experiences. If you would like to host something in your part of the world, contact ASL Vibe for guidance on getting started.

Spoon Theory By Christine Miserandino

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The original Spoon Theory comes from Christine Miserandino, the person behind the blog, “But You Don’t Look Sick!”. It was a metaphor for energy rationing as someone with an invisible disability. Several people have expanded on Miserandino’s metaphor. I have Addison’s disease, a condition where I don’t produce cortisol, quite literally the hormonal unit of energy! I have had to get very concrete with my understanding of stress and how it affects the body.

Yes, chronically ill folks. If this is the first time you’re hearing this: you have an invisible disability. I think it’s important to get comfortable with the word, because disability is not a dirty word. Your strength lies in your community.

Spoons = Energy

Most "healthy" individuals consider some tasks to be zero-cost. The time will pass anyways, so why not do a small chore, a small self care task, or even something fun? These tasks aren’t seen as energy expenditure in the same way going to the grocery store or taking an exercise class would be. For individuals living with an energy limiting disability, there are no zero-cost activities. Even tasks considered restorative by "healthy" individuals often cost energy for someone with a disability like Miserandino’s, or mine.

Living with Addison’s disease has made me get very literal with my spoons. My spoons equate to the mg of hydrocortisone I have programmed into my artificial adrenal pump.

Stress comes in various forms. There is good stress, also called eustress, and bad stress, called distress. Eustress is often not thought of as stress by those "healthy" individuals I keep mentioning. Excitement for an upcoming vacation is a great example. A "healthy" individual might not see that as a stressful time, but for someone who is chronically ill, the emotional excitement of looking forward to something costs energy. They may need to sleep extra, their symptoms may get worse, or their immune system may falter.

The rush of excitement I received at a surprise birthday party was enough to send me into adrenal hangover (my term for the recovery phase of an adrenal crisis, where cortisol is low, but rising.).

Everything in life costs spoons: caring for yourself, working, cleaning, even having fun can cost spoons. Some activities cost more spoons than others. Disability affects how many spoons you wake up with, as well as how many spoons something costs. Think about a trip to the grocery store. It is only a two-spoon activity for many, but for people with chronic illness, it can be a five-spoon activity! I love ordering my groceries online and picking them up curbside for this reason. It saves so many spoons!

If you run out of spoons too early, you could borrow against tomorrow’s spoons. That assumes that you can rest tomorrow, though, because you’ll be starting out with even fewer spoons than normal. If you go so far into spoon debt that you decide to grab that dirty spoon from the sink? Your disability will flare up, your immunity will crash causing you to get sick, and your body will force you to rest until it has replenished your spoons. It is SO important to learn to budget your spoons through pacing. I’ll talk more about pacing in other articles, but essentially it is your ability to anticipate future spoon costs and limit excessive spending of spoons so that you minimize these overdraft crashes.

For many "healthy" individuals, replenishing spoons is easy. But remember, eustress costs spoons the same as distress: so fun hobbies that restore others are taxing for the chronically ill. The only real ways to increase spoons are sleeping, eating nourishing foods, and enjoying restful hobbies.

Forks = Stressors

Everyone deals with stressors, but being chronically ill introduces more stressors and bigger stressors on top of the stress of every day life. Of course, it takes spoons to manage these forks, so it’s important to budget accordingly.

Some forks are bigger than others. Some forks are in hard to reach places, or sensitive places. Sometimes a cluster of small forks is more overwhelming than one large fork. Regardless, all of these forks will chip away at your distress tolerance. You only have the capacity to handle so many forks before you’re overwhelmed completely.

Remove the forks you can reach. Try to ignore the ones that are too difficult to take out right now. It’s a balancing act of spending spoons to remove forks, and saving enough spoons to carry on with your day. In all likelihood, you may have more forks than you could possibly handle with your spoons in one day. If you overspend on fork removal, you end up causing more problems later on because you haven’t kept up with the tasks of the day. But if you ignore the forks completely, they will add up and overwhelm you.

Don’t let your forks get out of control. You’ve got this.

Knives = Diagnoses

Knives are a diagnosis or permanent condition/disability. When you’ve got a knife in you, you don’t want to just yank it out or you’ll bleed out! Instead, you have to put pressure on the wound, tending to it day after day until it heals. It will scar and shape you forever, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it kill you.

I would never wish a knife wound on someone else. Yet, I am not ashamed of my wounds and scars. They are a testament to my resilience and the paths I’ve journeyed. Similarly, while I wouldn’t wish disability on someone, I am proud of how my disability has shaped me and made me who I am today.

Ally Academy: How to support someone who is chronically ill.

If you want to support someone who is low on spoons:

• Protect their ability to rest and recharge their own spoons

• Use your spare spoons to complete tasks off their to-do list

• Pay for services that save spoons

• Be understanding when they are short on spoons, and consider the energy cost of activities when planning together

If you want to support someone who is flooded with forks:

• Not all forks are apparent. If you can remove a fork for them, even if they don’t seem to be worrying about that particular fork, DO IT! Every fork matters.

• Be understanding of poor behavior & dysregulation (this does not excuse abuse, just consider that they aren’t at their best)

• Help them strategize ways to independently remove forks

• Help them recover after removing particularly large or painful forks.

If you want to support someone who has been stabbed by a knife:

• Don’t pull out the knife. Don’t deny the problem.

• Apply pressure. Offer proactive support.

• Embrace the scar. Disability often comes from trauma, but the disabled experience is not traumatic forever. Eventually, it’s only a scar and a story.

Autism: The Disorder

Autism Spectrum Disorder was historically diagnosed as a form of childhood schizophrenia. The initial usage of the word meant a condition nearly opposite to the modern use of the word. In the 1950s, autism meant hallucinations and vivid fantasy, yet by 1970, the same word was being used to describe a lack of inner world. The medical world defines autism by the way it appears to psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychoanalysts. As our understanding of the human brain changes, so then does our understanding of autism. Or, in other words, the medical model doesn’t know what it’s talking about. Good scientists will admit that we don’t have enough understanding of the human mind to properly define “autism.”

Yet, the phenomenon we are trying to describe, the experience of an autistic individual, does not change. What we now define as autism has always existed, even if the way we talk about it has changed.

So what are we describing? What is autism? According to the DSM-V, the ultimate source for the medical model in America (and most westernized countries, I believe? Or maybe just English speaking?), a child must have persistent deficits in each of three areas of social communication and interaction (see A.1. through A.3. below) plus at least two of four types of restricted, repetitive behaviors (see B.1. through B.4. below).

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. For either criterion, severity is described in 3 levels:^[A]

• Level 3 – requires very substantial support

• Level 2 – Requires substantial support

• Level 1 – requires support

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior. For either criterion, severity is described in 3 levels:^[A]

• Level 3 – requires very substantial support

• Level 2 – Requires substantial support

• Level 1 – requires support

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

D. Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

E. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

The medical model focuses on the ways autism impairs a person’s daily life. In the medical model, the emphasis is on the disorder. The medical model focuses on the deficits the autistic person may experience, and thus finds solutions to address those deficits.

Under the medical model, the focus will always be on curing autism, because the medical model only sees the impairments and deficits associated with ASD. Autism is only bad and so of course, the focus is on a cure.

So if someone excels in therapy and learns to cope with all of their symptoms to the point that there is no longer “clinically significant impairment” to their daily life, did they “cure” their autism?

The Neurodiversity Approach

The Neurodiversity model of autism says that autism is not a disorder of the mind, but rather a flavor of personality, so to speak. This theory says that someone is born autistic—that it’s society’s treatment of these individuals that creates the disabling symptoms. In fact, most autistic “symptoms” identified in the DSM-V are just human distress symptoms: self soothing behaviors and reactive outbursts.

Human personality is very poorly understood in the scientific sphere. At the tip of this iceberg, we have the five factor model of human personality. I have enjoyed considering autism through the lens of various human personality models, though, and could write an entire article on autism through the lens of Karl Jung and the MBTI assessment. But for the sake of this article, lets use the simpler FFM lens.

The five factor model of personality says that humans have five global traits that make up their personality.

• openness (O) measures openness to new ideas.

• conscientiousness (C) measures self-awareness and attention to detail.

• extraversion (E) measures social energy.

• agreeableness (A) measures a desire to “keep the peace” and cooperate with others.

• neuroticism (N) measures sensory sensitivity—it’s often shown in negative traits or poor stress tolerance, but it ultimately stems from a nervous system that has a propensity for quick arousal and slow return to baseline.

Low scores on O, C, E, and A, but high neuroticism sounds a lot like autism.

Personality traits are innate, and it is much easier to adjust your life to your personality than trying to change who you are all the time. By looking at autism as an extreme personality profile, rather than a disorder, we leave room for healthy Autistics. People who are raised by understanding parents, who are taught tools by elder Autistics who have walked the path of life and learned breadcrumbs of wisdom to pass on. People who live in a society that accepts diversity in human personality, including all the quirks of autism.

I am here for the radical idea that the world doesn’t need to be hostile to autistics. Autism doesn’t need to be disabling. Instead, we can use it to spur social change and drive our society towards more kindness, more equality, and more acceptance.

Practical Applications

Why does any of this matter? We’re all trying to help people with autism thrive, right?

The goal may be the same, but how we get there is what truly divides the community. The traditional approach is Applied Behavior Analysis, or ABA, therapy. Let’s talk about what that means. ABA therapy uses positive reinforcement to reinforce desired behaviors. Essentially, you are training the autistic individual to perform neurotypical behaviors. It’s a trick. You’re teaching them to suppress their autism and act “normal” for the sake of putting everyone around them at ease. We won’t even talk about the fact that you’re training your child like a dog.

ABA does not consider the autistic individual’s perspective, because the medical model is only focused on minimizing symptoms of the disorder. I believe that most parents’ desire is for their child to be healthy and happy. Acting normal at the expense of their mental health and happiness is not in line with normal parental desires.

The neurodiversity model says, “you are not broken, you are different. Here are some tools that help others like you when they struggle.” Autistic accommodations are merely socially abnormal. Neurotypicals receive accommodations all the time without anyone noticing.

• The schooling system is set up to accommodate the common needs of children: quiet time for testing, loud communal rooms for eating. Gym class and recess are at assigned times to allow for energy release, but students are expected to be able to contain their energy and sit still at their desks, so as not to distract other students. Never mind that this distracts the neurodiverse student who needs to move more than their neurotypical classmates.

• The M-F, 9-5 workday is set based on neurotypical working preferences. Many neurodivergents work in a flow state for long periods of time, but then need a long time for recovery, too. Personally, I flourished on a job that I worked my 40-hour shift in one stint, then had 5 days off before my next shift.

• The world is set to a neurotypical’s default settings. My sensory sensitivity means I’m often dealing with sensory overload because of something that is set to the neurotypical standard. For example, at night, when the street lamps come on, I need sun glasses to tolerate the blinding lights.

Just because a therapy is coded as ABA, does not mean it is truly an ABA approach therapy. Often, that’s the only type of therapy covered by insurance. Instead, pay attention to your therapists’ motives. Are they trying to make your life easier with your “difficult child,” or are they trying to ease the difficulties in your child’s life? Autistic children deserve to be raised without the complex trauma that currently enmeshes almost every autistic experience. It is beyond time to turn the focus from curing autism to understanding autism, because there is nothing to cure.

For further reading, I suggest Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity.

Sources:

Evans B. How Autism Became Autism: The radical transformation of a central concept of child development in Britain. Hist Human Sci. 2013 Jul;26(3):3-31. doi: 10.1177/0952695113484320. PMID: 24014081; PMCID: PMC3757918.

American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 5th ed. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association; 2013.

Chronic Fatigue Scale

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Chronic Pain Scale

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The other struggle is keeping appointments on track. It’s so easy to forget a symptom that’s been bothering you for weeks when a new symptom has popped up and is far more alarming. Or when you are meeting a new doctor, and it feels like you’re being railroaded to try “diet and exercise” to cure your chronic condition once again? Use this MAP to help advocate for yourself.

Fill out the top half as preparation for your appointment. Then, after reviewing your symptoms with your doctor, make sure all three questions are addressed before you leave the office.

Medicalappointmentplanner

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